Moving a Parent Into Long-Term Care: What to Expect and How to Cope

No one talks about this part enough. Moving a parent into long-term care is emotionally brutal. Even when you know it's the right decision. Even when the doctor and case manager agree. It can feel like a betrayal.

You may have promised your parent they'd never go to a "home." They may resist, cry, or refuse to speak to you. This is normal. It doesn't mean you're making the wrong choice. It means this is genuinely one of the hardest transitions a family goes through. Give yourself permission to feel conflicted while still moving forward with what's necessary.

Once you've accepted a bed, you typically have a few days to prepare. Here's what to bring and what to leave behind:

Bring:

• Comfortable, washable clothing (label everything with their name)
• Non-slip shoes and slippers
• Personal photos, a familiar blanket, or a small item from home
• Toiletries (the facility provides basics, but familiar brands help)
• A list of all medications and dosages
• Important documents: health card, power of attorney, advance directive
• A few favourite books, puzzles, or comfort items

Leave behind:

• Valuables, jewellery, and large amounts of cash
• Furniture (most rooms are furnished; check with the facility)
• Anything that could be a safety hazard (sharp objects, medications they might self-administer)

The first week is the hardest — for everyone. Here's what to expect:

• Confusion and disorientation: New surroundings, new faces, new routines. Your parent may not understand why they're there. This is normal. It usually improves within 2-4 weeks.
• Requests to go home: Expect this, especially in the first few days. Respond with empathy, not logic. "I know you miss home" works better than "This is where you live now."
• Changes in behaviour: Some residents become withdrawn. Others become more agitated. Staff are experienced with transitions and will watch your parent closely.
• Your own grief: Walking out of the facility after the first visit is devastating. Call a friend, talk to a counsellor, or contact the BC Caregiver Support Line (1-877-520-3267). You don't have to process this alone.

Most families say the adjustment period lasts 2-6 weeks. It almost always gets better. If you haven't yet visited and compared facilities, use our care home visit checklist before making your choice.

The staff at your parent's facility become their daily caregivers. Building a positive relationship with them makes a real difference in the quality of care your parent receives.

• Introduce yourself: Meet the care aides, nurses, and recreation staff. Learn their names. They'll remember your parent better if they know you.
• Share your parent's story: What did they do for work? What are their hobbies? What music do they love? What calms them when they're upset? This helps staff provide person-centred care.
• Be respectful of their workload: Care aides in BC long-term care often look after 8-12 residents at a time. They're working hard. Approach concerns as a partner, not a critic.
• Attend care conferences: These are scheduled meetings where the care team reviews your parent's care plan. Attend every one. Ask questions and share what you've noticed.

Your role as a family member doesn't end at admission. Your ongoing involvement is one of the most important things for your parent's wellbeing.

• Visit regularly: Consistency matters more than frequency. A predictable schedule (like Tuesday and Saturday afternoons) helps your parent look forward to visits.
• Do things together: Go for walks in the garden, join a facility activity, bring a favourite snack, or look at old photos. Visits with an activity feel more natural than sitting and talking.
• Visit at different times: Drop in during meals, evenings, or weekends sometimes. This shows you how care looks at different times of day.
• Stay connected with staff: A quick chat with the care aide about your parent's day takes 30 seconds. It keeps you informed and shows you care.

No facility is perfect. If you have concerns about your parent's care, here's how to address them:

1. Start with the care team: Talk to your parent's primary care aide or the unit nurse. Most concerns are resolved at this level.
2. Escalate to management: If the issue isn't resolved, speak with the care coordinator or facility manager.
3. Contact the health authority: For serious or unresolved concerns, file a complaint with the regional health authority's licensing office.
4. BC Patient Care Quality Review Board: An independent body that reviews complaints about publicly funded health services.
5. BC Ombudsperson: For systemic issues affecting multiple residents.

Write down your concerns with dates and specifics. A calm, factual approach is more effective than confrontation. Your frustration is completely valid. Advocating for your parent is one of the most important things you can do.

How do I help my parent adjust to long-term care?

Visit often in the first few weeks. Bring familiar items from home. Share your parent's preferences and routines with staff, and give it time. Most residents adjust within 2-6 weeks. Your consistency and patience make the biggest difference.

Is it normal to feel guilty about placing a parent in care?

Yes. Nearly every family member feels guilt, grief, or both. These feelings don't mean you made the wrong choice. Talk to other families, a counsellor, or the BC Caregiver Support Line. The guilt usually eases as you see your parent settle in and receive consistent care.

What if my parent hates it?

Resistance in the first few weeks is very common, especially for people with dementia. Give the transition time. If your parent is still unhappy after a month, talk to the care team. A different room, more activities, or changes to their routine may help. In rare cases, a transfer to a different facility may be the right step.